Today I sat in my favorite lesbian coffeeshop, sipping Tazo Calm tea, and talking with one of my favorite Baristas when the woman sitting next to me began to rant and rave. She barked about how the foreigners are taking over our country and using all of our resources. She identified everyone in the country who doesn't agree with her as being a jackass, and put forth that she had all the answers to everything (while she complained endlessly and offered no constructive solutions). Needless to say, I spoke up. I try to always confront racism. But, putting aside the content of her beliefs, it was the delivery that I found so toxic.
Her tone, mannerisms, expressions, and words were hateful. I'm not going to pretend I'm so much better than her, because I too have used hatred as a way to communicate my ideas. At 21, I was a walking ball of rage. At 36, my ideas are still similar in that I abhor oppression and speak out about it. However, my delivery is entirely different. And my certainty that I am always right has been replaced by a more humble belief that another person may have valuable information about the topic at hand and I could benefit from listening.
A big part of the shift is from psychological growth. Maturity leads to less black and white and more complex thinking (although this doesn't always coincide with chronilogical age). But a whole lot of it is Buddhist. One of my favorite lessons is: "Hate doesn't lead to love" "Hate leads to hate" and "Love leads to love" Quite literally, if you try to solve problems through hatred, hatred will prevail. If you try to solve problems with love and compassion, those will prevail. Heeding these ideas is not always easy. It takes a lot of skill and practice.
As I write this I am actually thankful that my experience today reminds me of where I came from regarding my relationship of hatred toward others, as well as where I am and where I want to be.
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